22 02 2009


Everyone has plans for me. Everyone wants different things from me. Everyone wants me to live my life their particular way. Everyone has their time frame.


I feel pulled a thousand different directions.


What do you want for me, God?


My journalism professors and students want my life and my time devoted to reporting social injustice, the “high calling of being the voice of the people.” This project must be completed. I must get this internship, work at this job, have this mindset in order to advance in a kill-and-be-killed environment. My other teachers each think their class and their homework is the most important.


The world wants me to get the perfect job, have the perfect boyfriend, be friendly but not too friendly, get perfect grades and always have trendy clothes with matching accessories. I must embrace my individuality, but not so much it makes me different than others and makes them uncomfortable. It too wants my devotion.


My campus ministry wants from me more personal witnessing, more Bible study, more programs, more service and involvement—all worthy activities. I feel my church wants from me model behavior and a respectable level of passion for Christ (but not so much it might create change). Everyone seems to think they have the best way to follow Jesus and do ministry.


How long must I endure? Everyone wants all my time, all my devotion, all my heart. I feel opposing forces are spinning me in circles. In trying to go everywhere, I go nowhere.


Sometimes I wish to leave it all behind and simply walk in the dust of the Rabbi.


“Am I now trying to win human approval, or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

                                                              Galatians 1:10





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